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Minneapolis, MN

Welcome to Flock of Broads. Here you will find the musings of five smart gals affectionately called "The Flock", all currently based in Minneapolis, MN. From pie crusts to parties, beard oil to Beyoncé, fashion to fat pants, we cover life as we know it and even a few things in between. Pull up a chair and stay a while.

Your Dog Is Not Like A Baby

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Your Dog Is Not Like A Baby

Talia Wischmann

Dogs are great. I have two. One of them attempts to co-sleep every night and the other howls at the wind.

I don’t mean to downplay the amount of work that a dog takes – picking up shit, taking them on walks in the snow/sleet/rain, cleaning up grass barf, getting home to see that they chewed your favorite shoe. I get it. The thing is, they are not like babies. So stop saying your dog is as much work as a baby. Please consider these five points of difference:

  1. Your dog woke you up in the middle of the night. Oh no! Are you such a sweepy wittle guy? Kate has twin boys. They woke her up five times every night for the past two years. Then she fed them from her boobs, changed their diapers, rubbed cream on their butts and rocked them to sleep.
  2. Your dog gets super whiny when she has to go out to poo. Babies just shit right in their diapers. How many times has your dog been covered in feces while screaming at the same decibel level as a jumbo jet? None times.
  3. You can’t be out for more than 8 hours because you have to let the dog out.  If that were a baby, you’d win a child endangerment award! You can’t leave a toddler alone for more than five minutes without them covering their faces and your walls in permanent marker.
  4. Obedience classes, vet appointments, dog food: SO EXPENSIVE!  Do you know how much childcare costs? How about health insurance and medical bills? I spent five grand fixing ear infections before Ellie was one-year-old.
  5. You have to take that dog for walks and give them things to chew on. You win this one. Babies don’t need exercise or entertainment. They’re totally satisfied quietly staring at walls all day.

Being a parent to a baby is hard; much harder than being a parent to a dog. So the next time you feel like telling the mother of an infant that your Chihuahua is just like her baby, maybe just don’t.  

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